Saturday, July 19, 2014

the joy of travelling

Assalamualaikum. :)

Today's post is going to be about travelling! Well, I grew up in Sabah but my parents are from the Peninsular. Their hometowns are about four to five states apart. So can you imagine how much travelling it took?

So my mother's Chinese and my father's Malay. Not much of an argument on which hometown to visit that year and such because, well, Chinese New Year we go to my mother's hometown while for Hari Raya Aidilfitri to my father's. As simple as that! Haha. Although sometimes we do celebrate them in Sabah and invite our friends over.

Anyway, so growing up, I have been travelling a lot. I started to pay attention to where I went when I was about fourteen, if I'm not mistaken. I wanted to know where we were going, why, for how long, etc. It was so much fun, especially the part where sometimes we had to stay in different hotels. Oh man, the breakfast at hotels are the best! Too bad sometimes I'd get lazy to wake up early in the morning so my other siblings went instead.

In 2011, my parents and I, along with my younger brother and my older sister who is above me, went on a trip all around the Peninsular. We spent about a day or two in each state and it was so much fun! The journey started at Perlis, down to Penang and Kedah. Afterwards we headed into Perak and then Kelantan. From there we drove down to Terengganu, Pahang then Johor. We even did a little detour into Singapore for several hours. So, Johor again, up to Melaka then Negeri Sembilan. We finished our journey in Selangor... or KL. HAHA.

That was the craziest trip ever. So as you can tell, over the years, my interest in travelling have grown. I have visited some museums, historical places, amazing beaches, wonderful food, friendly eh? people and ahhh. EVERYTHING. Haha! There are still few places that I have been dreaming to go to! I truly hope that someday, I don't mind with who, I'll be able to go to those places.

First up in the list is Legoland in Johor. This is a must! Another is Cameron Highlands. Believe it or not, I have never been there.. oh, and Fraser Hill too. Then there's Kuching, Sarawak. I have been into Sarawak, while we were driving from Sabah through Sarawak to get to Brunei. But Kuching? Never! So, yeah. Those are the places I really, really want to visit. I know it's only in Malaysia but I don't see the point of travelling outside of Malaysia before really exploring my own country.

Thanks for reading, if you did! :) In sha Allah, someday I would love to bring my husband and our children on a trip all around Malaysia. I want them to see the beauty of our own country. There's nothing like home. Also it would be interesting to take the car, taxi, bus, plane or train to different places. See, it's just so much fun travelling. Although it might cost a lot, the experience you get is priceless.

Fi hifzillah.

Friday, July 18, 2014

I'm never letting go.

What ever happens in this world.
Good or bad.
I will always, always be worried for my family and close friends.
And then there's that one person.

No matter where he is,
Even if he's far away,
No matter what he's doing.
Even if I won't know,

I will always be worried for him.
I always pray that he will be safe.
I always pray that he will be happy.
I always pray that he will find the true light.

Still I sit here thinking, why do I care so much?
It has been six years and I'm never letting go.


Tuesday, July 15, 2014

blessings and finding the right path


Alhamdulillah. I have been blessed with a lot of things. For start, I still have my parents around. I have amazing siblings. Most of the time they are annoyingly annoying but I still love them anyway. Without them, I don't think I will be where I am today - on my bed 20 hours a day, only waking up for food a strong girl who is trying hard to find the light with endless help.

My eldest brother taught me well about not clicking random links. He also taught me to install things from trusted websites like filehippo or something. He knows all those computer stuffs and if there's anything wrong, I'd  just leave it to him. Anyway, yeah. I can write a lot about my siblings. They really have been taking care of me. I feel like (actually I am) a spoilt brat. But the thing is, I never really ask for anything from them and my parents except for expensive stuffs once in a while.

Let's see.... when I was 12, I begged my parents to let me go and meet Dafi. That is all, I didn't ask for anything else but to meet Dafi. Flight tickets, accommodation, transportation, that event... cost quite a lot. Haha! But they still let me go like what even. I'm the most stubborn in the family. Kind of a failure compared to the rest but they still let my dream come true.

Another thing I asked for was a phone. I mean, who wouldn't?! My friends were all using it, exchanging phone numbers in class and such. Me? "Well, here's my house number and my mom's phone number." It was such a peer pressure. You must own your own phone. Almost everyone had it. Of course I begged them for a phone. After so long, I gave up. Fine, it's okay. No phone. I just want to meet Dafi again, because he was in KK at that time. So my mom brought me to Centre Point, where Dafi was for the movie he acted in - Sayang You Can Dance. I didn't know what time was the signing session was supposed to start and then my mother got bored waiting. Sadly, we were on our way out until my mother stopped at a shop and asked which phone I wanted.

Was she insane?!?! I was there to meet Dafi but it was unsuccessful. Instead, she decided to buy me a phone. I couldn't believe it at that time. Having a phone means that you need a sim card. I didn't understand or knew about it. I thought that you'd buy a phone and you can already call people. So the next thing was to find a sim card. I looked at some numbers and bam! There it was. It had numbers exactly like Dafi's birth date. So we bought that one. I was so overjoyed.

Years passed by and I never once asked for a new phone. I could see around how my friends changed their phones every now and then. I mean, one phone is enough, if you take good care of it. I'm still proud that I managed to use my phone for five or six years! It got slow and problematic at times but I could still use it. Although when I looked to the right, I saw my friend using an iPhone and to the left, Android. I envied them but I would much rather save that money to buy something else.

What else? Oh. The camera they bought me as PMR present. I never asked for it, really. They just gave it to me. I sort of wanted to decline but since they bought it, I just accepted. I wasn't being picky or anything. I was and still am grateful. It's just that... like what I said, I'd rather keep it for something else. And then that next year, someone I adored was coming to Malaysia. Oh man, I was really hoping that my parents would let me go and meet David. And so they did. Again, flight tickets, concert tickets, merchandise, food. Big amount of money, I must say.

You see, the 'I would rather save for something else' was for David. I don't want a laptop, I don't want a new phone, I don't want expensive clothes. I just want to meet David. It's really as simple as that. Not just David but One Direction and Demi Lovato too. Unlike other people who ask for money to buy new technology or sports kit and such, I ask for money to go to concerts. HAHA! I guess it's pretty much the same amount if you add them up. Or maybe concerts are much more expensive.

Another thing was regarding my current phone, Galaxy S4. I had no idea about these phones, which model came out, which is the best and stuff. So one day, right before I entered college, they bought me the phone. It was still new! The newest model there was! Like Nimbus 2000 or something. Did I ask for it? No! I never did! I did think that it would be nice to own a smartphone but as always, I'd much rather keep it for 'something else'. I was hesitant but they already bought it so..... might as well just take it. Haha! I am truly grateful. But also a big ass spoilt brat. Haih.

Sometimes my working siblings would hand me some money but I would always tell them to keep it. But one day if a concert happens, please spare some money. HAHAH. That's how my childish mind works. Is it weird, though? Chasing for that experience to go to a concert. I know it's against so many forbidden things but I just wanted to go to one. Or maybe a few. Hmm. I just hope that it will change. I just hope that one day, my motivation to save money isn't just to go and meet David. But for God. There are many things you can do for God. A lot, that listing them down would take forever.

Maybe for starters like me, I can buy books regarding religion. Read and learn. That's what He said, though. Read. From there onward, many, many things can be done. You gain knowledge and the next thing you know, you're on your way in His path. In sha Allah. Nothing is better than knowing that He has always been there to help you. He never left. Even though you astray so far, He was always right by you, guiding you, hoping that you could see the light. I'm truly grateful that I managed to get closer to Him last year. The road's rough but with good and enough support, I know I can do it. I just need to be consistent (istiqomah).

Although sometimes you feel like giving up. Like there's no hope for you to change. Oh life sucks, let's just go back to where I was years ago. No! It's just a little something to test you. He IS. ALWAYS. THERE. He won't let you go through things if He knew you couldn't. It's like leveling up in life. Each level gets harder by the second. But you need to have faith and fight through it. Nothing is better than living your life in Islam. Like the word Islam itself - Peace. Follow Islam and you will be in Peace.

Fi hifzillah.

write a post, will you?


Felt like writing today! We're halfway through Ramadhan and I am grateful that everything went well this month. Well, sort of everything. Let's put that aside, shall we?

To be honest, I'm not sure what to write about so I asked a couple of my friends on Whatsapp. They're Ereen and Naqib. They're just such random people. I mean, if any two of us chat with like, less than 100 messages, the other won't get mad. Well, I hope so anyway. I don't mind them talking cuz all they touch about are random topics that last for 5 minutes with about 8 messages. I don't know. They're very funny at times too. It's a weird combination though, the three of us. One is a serious guy with all those wise thoughts and lovable annoying puns. Another is a random girl who seems indifferent but says the best things at times. And then there's me who talk about the stupidest things with the lamest replies ever. Odd. Truly an odd combination.

Anyway, yeah. I told them that I wanted to write something on here but I have no idea what. Aaand so the wise guy told me to write about struggling to find a topic to write about. Haha! I guess here it goes?

First of all, when writing something, you really need a topic. Something, anything to write about. The main idea. At times there are so many things to write about like how your day went, your favourite things that month, a story about your cat journey (you know what, I shall write about this someday), music, religion, people, passion, basically anything! So when you've picked a topic, you will need..... no. Before that there's one super duper important step.

It's finding your mood. Yep. I like to write when I have the mood. When I don't? Please don't expect me to sit in front of the laptop or desktop or sitting on my bed with my phone in my hands, typing away. I'd die. However, at this moment, I'm comfortably sitting on my bed, listening to good music and yeah. I just suddenly have the mood to write! Haha. It just comes. Lately it doesn't happen that often but I'm glad the time came because I absolutely miss writing. (Why do I keep using writing or typing. This is a bad example of inconsistency. Be consistent when you're writing. Or typing.)

Okay, moving on.... what was it that I was going to write about? Haha! Okay.. mood, topic... well that's basically it. I mean, yes, you do need those elaborations and stuff but when I, I repeat, I as in me, write, I tend to let it flow. I don't think of some structure. I just go with it. Like what I'm doing now. Heheh. Sometimes I think, should I write a long post or a short post? Lately I've been loving writing a long one just because I wanted it to look so sophisticated when all there are in these paragraphs are random, childish thoughts of mine.

Hmm. I tend to ramble too. Ehe. Anyway. I guess that's it. Mood. Topic. Let it flow. It doesn't matter if you feel like whatever you're writing are crappy because those are your thoughts! Your opinions on things! It might not matter to most people but what matters most is how you felt when you were writing what you wrote, how passionate you were. Your own 'baby'. :') and I'm going all weird now. Okay. I guess I shall stop here.

Thank you so much for reading, if you did. I hope you enjoyed this little post and it helped you to understand how to start writing a post. (In my own opinion and view anyway.) May God bless you all!

Fi hifzillah. 
Assalamualaikum. :)

(I think my aim of writing about the struggle to write failed. I wrote about overcoming it instead. That's a better topic, no? :))

Thursday, July 3, 2014

not okay

I'm sorry for lying.
Lying about what?
My feelings.
What's wrong with your feelings?
Well, I'm not okay.
But you said you were okay!
No, I'm not.
What's wrong?
Tell me, please?
There's something.
No, it's okay. I'm fine.
No, it's not okay. I'm here. Allah is here.
I know.
You're welcome.


She'll never be okay.
Just saying.