Tuesday, July 15, 2014

blessings and finding the right path


Alhamdulillah. I have been blessed with a lot of things. For start, I still have my parents around. I have amazing siblings. Most of the time they are annoyingly annoying but I still love them anyway. Without them, I don't think I will be where I am today - on my bed 20 hours a day, only waking up for food a strong girl who is trying hard to find the light with endless help.

My eldest brother taught me well about not clicking random links. He also taught me to install things from trusted websites like filehippo or something. He knows all those computer stuffs and if there's anything wrong, I'd  just leave it to him. Anyway, yeah. I can write a lot about my siblings. They really have been taking care of me. I feel like (actually I am) a spoilt brat. But the thing is, I never really ask for anything from them and my parents except for expensive stuffs once in a while.

Let's see.... when I was 12, I begged my parents to let me go and meet Dafi. That is all, I didn't ask for anything else but to meet Dafi. Flight tickets, accommodation, transportation, that event... cost quite a lot. Haha! But they still let me go like what even. I'm the most stubborn in the family. Kind of a failure compared to the rest but they still let my dream come true.

Another thing I asked for was a phone. I mean, who wouldn't?! My friends were all using it, exchanging phone numbers in class and such. Me? "Well, here's my house number and my mom's phone number." It was such a peer pressure. You must own your own phone. Almost everyone had it. Of course I begged them for a phone. After so long, I gave up. Fine, it's okay. No phone. I just want to meet Dafi again, because he was in KK at that time. So my mom brought me to Centre Point, where Dafi was for the movie he acted in - Sayang You Can Dance. I didn't know what time was the signing session was supposed to start and then my mother got bored waiting. Sadly, we were on our way out until my mother stopped at a shop and asked which phone I wanted.

Was she insane?!?! I was there to meet Dafi but it was unsuccessful. Instead, she decided to buy me a phone. I couldn't believe it at that time. Having a phone means that you need a sim card. I didn't understand or knew about it. I thought that you'd buy a phone and you can already call people. So the next thing was to find a sim card. I looked at some numbers and bam! There it was. It had numbers exactly like Dafi's birth date. So we bought that one. I was so overjoyed.

Years passed by and I never once asked for a new phone. I could see around how my friends changed their phones every now and then. I mean, one phone is enough, if you take good care of it. I'm still proud that I managed to use my phone for five or six years! It got slow and problematic at times but I could still use it. Although when I looked to the right, I saw my friend using an iPhone and to the left, Android. I envied them but I would much rather save that money to buy something else.

What else? Oh. The camera they bought me as PMR present. I never asked for it, really. They just gave it to me. I sort of wanted to decline but since they bought it, I just accepted. I wasn't being picky or anything. I was and still am grateful. It's just that... like what I said, I'd rather keep it for something else. And then that next year, someone I adored was coming to Malaysia. Oh man, I was really hoping that my parents would let me go and meet David. And so they did. Again, flight tickets, concert tickets, merchandise, food. Big amount of money, I must say.

You see, the 'I would rather save for something else' was for David. I don't want a laptop, I don't want a new phone, I don't want expensive clothes. I just want to meet David. It's really as simple as that. Not just David but One Direction and Demi Lovato too. Unlike other people who ask for money to buy new technology or sports kit and such, I ask for money to go to concerts. HAHA! I guess it's pretty much the same amount if you add them up. Or maybe concerts are much more expensive.

Another thing was regarding my current phone, Galaxy S4. I had no idea about these phones, which model came out, which is the best and stuff. So one day, right before I entered college, they bought me the phone. It was still new! The newest model there was! Like Nimbus 2000 or something. Did I ask for it? No! I never did! I did think that it would be nice to own a smartphone but as always, I'd much rather keep it for 'something else'. I was hesitant but they already bought it so..... might as well just take it. Haha! I am truly grateful. But also a big ass spoilt brat. Haih.

Sometimes my working siblings would hand me some money but I would always tell them to keep it. But one day if a concert happens, please spare some money. HAHAH. That's how my childish mind works. Is it weird, though? Chasing for that experience to go to a concert. I know it's against so many forbidden things but I just wanted to go to one. Or maybe a few. Hmm. I just hope that it will change. I just hope that one day, my motivation to save money isn't just to go and meet David. But for God. There are many things you can do for God. A lot, that listing them down would take forever.

Maybe for starters like me, I can buy books regarding religion. Read and learn. That's what He said, though. Read. From there onward, many, many things can be done. You gain knowledge and the next thing you know, you're on your way in His path. In sha Allah. Nothing is better than knowing that He has always been there to help you. He never left. Even though you astray so far, He was always right by you, guiding you, hoping that you could see the light. I'm truly grateful that I managed to get closer to Him last year. The road's rough but with good and enough support, I know I can do it. I just need to be consistent (istiqomah).

Although sometimes you feel like giving up. Like there's no hope for you to change. Oh life sucks, let's just go back to where I was years ago. No! It's just a little something to test you. He IS. ALWAYS. THERE. He won't let you go through things if He knew you couldn't. It's like leveling up in life. Each level gets harder by the second. But you need to have faith and fight through it. Nothing is better than living your life in Islam. Like the word Islam itself - Peace. Follow Islam and you will be in Peace.

Fi hifzillah.

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