sweet(?) twenty

Assalamualaikum. :)

I'm twenty! Yay!

At the moment I'm typing this out, I'm trying to finish one more cream puff and a slice of cake. Last night I got a slice of cake and today I got another slice plus about seven cream puffs and one whole cake. This is crazy. I don't know how to finish them, Haha!

A lot of things have been going on and it's really getting on to me. I don't know, maybe it's because I tend to overthink about things which later make me get sad or depressed which later on will effect everyone around me. At this moment, there's a lot of things I have to think about. I don't know why am I even taking the opportunity given to me. I'm afraid that I won't be able to do it. I'm afraid that I'd somehow neglect my studies. I don't want that to happen. Really.

I know I'm supposed to be grateful because I have a group of such lovely friends but I feel like me being me, they actually hate me. HAHA. That's just what I think. Maybe it's true. I don't know. But this is just what I'm feeling right now. Though I know that whatever I'm going through right now is because He misses me. I miss Him too, actually. I need to start fixing myself again.

I have no idea why am I typing everything out on here. OH MY GOSH I'M SO SCARED OF THE FUTURE. I feel like giving up but I know that I shouldn't. I know that I have to be strong. I know that other people have it harder. I know not everyone can care for me except for Him. I know that I shouldn't be dependent on some people. I just miss the old me.

I have changed a lot. I'm not sure if it's a good change or a bad change. I know that it's a change. What am I even talking about right now?

Please just pray for me. I don't want to run away. I'm sick of this. I need to fix myself. I need to..... I don't know. ARGH.

erm..

Assalamualaikum.

The third semester has begun! It has been a week though. Haha! So far so good. My roommates are awesome because they're Nadiah and Izzah! Heheh. Classes are okay, though we haven't been into two classes because the lecturers were busy. I hope they'll be there in the coming weeks because I can't wait to get started! I know most people dread classes but I'm looking forward to it.

I've been busy for the past month with all the preparation for orientation week or MHS they call it. Sleeping late night and waking up early. That's something I really like because I get to be productive and my body clock works just nice. But when MHS came.... wow. We didn't get much sleep but it was alright. It was truly an experience to teach the freshies chants, dances and telling them about UM, getting to know them and just simply welcoming them here. We're the first few people they meet so we have to give a good first impression. I hope we all did well and I hope they'll learn to love the college as well as UM the way I did and still do.

What else should I write about? Oh! My friends and I went to Breakout room in Nu Sentral. They had a promotion and we did the Testament of Tesla room. It was so cool! Haha! We managed to figure out some clues but we still needed the Game Master's help. I honestly would try again but with different rooms. The room we tried has a difficulty level of 5/5 so yeah. Our Game Master, Shafiq, recommended that we try the 4/5 room which is Dreadnought. I hope we'll go there again and try Dreadnought!! Heheheh.

By the waaaaay, I have someone special in my life! :3 I miss him so much right now but I know he's busy doing whatever that he is doing. Haha. It's cool how we actually liked each other way before this without us knowing but now everything has been revealed! Muahahaha. I hope he's fine wherever he is right now. Can't be too attached. I'll try to let him be. Huhuhu.

That is all for now, I'll try to update as often as I can (which is probably once every month). I miss my family but not to the point of crying (yet).

xoxo,

Zue.

random update

Assalamualaikum. :)

Flying to KL later today and then head back to college! Currently having flu and cough and getting better from fever. Haha! A month of break was something I really cherished. I've missed staying home for a long time. I think since I've got into UM, I had breaks for a week, a couple weeks or maybe three weeks. Sometimes just four days. It's crazy how committed I am to the activities in college. I was supposed to have about two months plus of holidays but nuuu I sacrificed them. Haha! It's for something I'll love, in sha Allah. There's a reason why I'm doing this and I hope it's going to lead to something amazing.

Anyway, Raya was alright. It was tough for the first few days but later on, it was alright. I invited my friends and daaangg, I was so happy! Haha! Served them spaghetti and chicken wings which my mom made. They were delicious! I'm so grateful for my mother. Lately I've been cherishing her so much. More than I did before, I think. Idk. I miss her already although she's always around. I am so going to miss home. I'm not sure why I find it hard to leave home this time. Usually I'd be counting down days till I get back to college but now I dread it. Heh.

OMG. My pointer. Did I talk about my pointer on here? It went down like a crashing parachute. Lel. It's actually something I should be grateful for because it wasn't that easy to get there. But just because I have that benchmark, I am truly and extremely disappointed in myself. I keep saying that I need to work harder but I.... don't. I hope this next semester, I'll do better. In sha Allah. There's a lot of things I need to work on. I know I keep on saying about fixing myself but I always fall out from it. Sucks.

Anyway, I've got a flight to catch in I don't know how many hours. Hence I need rest. Pray that I'll do good in the future.

xoxo, zu.

odd void.

Assalamualaikum.

It's semester break. However, I'm in college for some orientation stuff. It's kind of an exciting thing, you know? To be the facilitator, you need to go through some interview and camps and then you'll be chosen. I've been dreaming for this since my orientation week. The facilitators during our time were so awesome. They were pretty much the reason why I wanted to be a facilitator for the junior's orientation week.

So far everything have been great except for the fact that I kept distancing myself from everyone. I have no idea why. I was in this particular state a couple months ago but one of my friends managed to pull me out from it. My friend knocked the sense into me. I felt happy and such but then as time passed by, I found myself slowly drowning into this odd void I can't simply forget and run from. My friend told me to face it but I just. I don't know. I've lost myself. I feel like I'm losing my friends. Heck, my friends are always there. It's just me. My mindset. My over thinking. That sucks. I hate this.

Anyway, that's why lately I've been laying in bed, playing some games, watching YouTube videos and sleeping. I wasn't as active as I was before. Maybe the environment changes everything. I'm so going to miss my seniors. They were the ones who made my first year in UM very exciting and memorable. I kind of lost direction after Karviter and FESENI ended. Haha! I was more focused on my studies but still, I was lost. Couldn't find myself. This is so weird, What am I experiencing actually?

Help.

it's currently raining. (I don't know what to put as a title)

Assalamualaikum.

It's the 25th of April 2015. A lot of things happened since I last wrote on here.

Firstly, FESENI. I joined Boria and we got 2nd place! Alhamdulillah. FESENI was held like, Idk for two separate weeks but yeah, I went to watch for four nights. Haha! It was a nice experience, looking at how everyone worked so hard and then performed their best. Congratulations to those who won and I look forward to FESENI next year! Hehe.

Later, I had so many things to do, assignments and presentations. Alhamdulillah everything went well. :) Oh, we even did field trip to Muzium Negara and Petrosains where we discover the technology revolution and stuff. It's quite interesting and I'm grateful that my groupmates were all cooperative of each other. We presented our video yesterday and I think everyone liked it? Hope so. It was all because of Nadiah's skillful editing. *coughfutureJTKTeknikalcough*

Moving on..... oh! I had to attend an interview to become the college's PM. I swear I had to really think it through. Some said yes, some said no, just because I was really doubtful of myself. But I just went anyway because it was just an interview, I still don't know if I would be accepted. But I got it! However those who passed the interview had to go to a camp. It was Kem Biro Tatanegara or Idk BTN or something at Kuala Lipis, Pahang.

The camp was truly a wonderful experience. But it was only for three days and two nights. I made new friends and gahhh I somehow miss them already! Haha! During the last night, we had to do some jungle trekking and oh boy, it was tough. It was my first time going into the woods at night. I've been into a jungle before during PLKN but it was kind of easy, I think? Plus it was during the day. But at the camp, it was dark and Idk. I'm so grateful my teammates were all cooperating. They were even patient with me. I hope so. Haha. Anyway, the experience was unforgettable.

What else....? Oh, I went home for four days cuz I got homesick. That sucked, you know? I never missed home that much. But that one week was really tough. I was too lazy and I was dazed all the time. I couldn't really focus talking to my friends and I just.... I felt lost. But thank God I found myself already. I must say, I still miss home but there's nothing you can do but pray. I'm here for a reason. I'm here to study. I'm here to develop myself into a better person, in sha Allah.

Okay, enough rambling. I think I shall stop here. Thanks for reading, if you did. Hehe.

x.