Sunday, January 11, 2015

overly attached


Something have been bothering me for the past one week. It's about attachment. I think I'm a person who constantly need company. Honestly, I am quite sad that everyone is leaving for semester break. It IS a semester break, why would I be sad? Everyone is happy that they're finally meeting their family they have missed so much. Oddly for me, I don't really miss home. Probably because I won't have anyone to interact with at home because they're all in school or working. Yep. Plus, the only company I had is gone forever.

I have grown attached to this varsity, I think. The friends here, the environment, my roommates, my seniors, the lectures, buses, taxis, the mall, the cats, the monkeys, basically everything. This is so weird. My friend said that once I adapt to my surroundings, I get attached to them and when it's time to leave, I'd be emotional. Haha. What is wrong with me, actually? I cried so hard last night because I kept thinking that I'd miss everyone. I'm glad I had my girls with me. I still feel bad that they had to watch me cry and they'd have to sacrifice their time for me. But that's what friends are for kehkehkeh. I love them.

I am so in love with the place I am in right now. I have no idea why. Maybe because I have company. I told my family that I didn't mind not going back and it was up to them if they wanted to book a flight for me or not. I honestly didn't care about not going back. Well, of course I miss my family and want to meet them again, just because I don't know when they will be gone. But still, I didn't mind not going back. Maybe because I know that even if I go back, they'll be away. I don't meet them often as everyone is busy with their own things to do. Ugh.

Yes, I know that Allah is always there. Maybe the fact that He is always there doesn't stick in my mind a lot. I still have a lot to learn and honestly, with the environment I'm in, I find it quite hard to do so. First step is always the hardest they say, and it's true. I've once talked to my friend about me having the hidayah. I was like, yes, I know everything, I know what I should and shouldn't do. But do I actually do them, avoid them? No. That's where my friend said, I have hidayah but no taufik. Taufik and hidayah goes hand in hand. Alhamdulillah He has granted me the latter but oh. my. gosh. it's so hard.

This stubborn soul. Agh. It'll change, in sha Allah. I know He's there. I know He'll help. I know He's always there, helping me along the way and He never once stopped. I am so blessed.

And if an evil suggestion comes to you from Satan, then seek refuge in Allah . Indeed, He is Hearing and Knowing.
Surah Al-A'raf. 7:200

I found this in a book I was reading called Versus by Hlovate. I could never finish that book because I don't have the heart to finish it. I don't know. I just feel emotional reading it and I discovered many things. Reading it is really an eyeopener. Omg this post is getting so long. I shall stop here. I need to reset my body clock.


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