It's 4am. 13th May 2014.
13th May, eh? In 1969, a riot happened between the races in Malaysia. I'm happy that after that, all the Malaysians got along. But today, things are... starting to be different. I don't know. I'm fine with my friends, let them be Malay, Chinese, Indian or Kadazan. They're all awesome people and I'm really glad that I have them in my life. Living in Sabah, there's no boundaries. I felt that everyone was just the same. Truly grateful with the harmony I lived in since I was born here. :)
Anyway, moving on. It's been a month and about a week since I got home. Still confused on what to do. Heh. I've finished a book though. It's called Sebelum Aku Bernikah by Hilal Asyraf. It's a really good book. Very simple yet meaningful. It tells a story(?) of Hilal before he got married. The feelings he had, trying to get that girl and finally getting engaged. It's not some cheesy love story. It's the things he did. It's about preparing yourself. Marriage is a huge thing. Marriage happens in a day but that.... status of being a husband or wife - it lasts for the rest of your lives. Unless you're divorced or something then Idk. haha.
It's so simple to just sit and get to know a person then saying to yourself, "I want to marry him/her." It doesn't work that way. It's..... more than that. This is someone you're going to spend your whole life with. Are you prepared? To wake up beside that person, to see that person when he's mad, having to do things he says when you're ohhh so lazy. Heh. Before stepping into marriage, consider changing yourself. Making yourself better. The most important thing is your faith in God and also your discipline. (and other things too but yeah I wanna talk about these two)
Faith in God. How strong you are? No one can judge it. You yourself won't know how good you are. Just keep improving. Do it for Him. In sha Allah, He will accept it. If you don't pray and you think that you're ready to get married? That's just plain wrong. Settle the simplest yet the most important thing is life. Your prayers. Five times a day. Better yet, more. Then after you get married, you can like, pray together with your husband then bring along your kids and build a super happy cute family. :')
OKAY! So... your discipline. Who is going to cook? Clean? Take care of your husband? IT'S YOU. If you can't be diligent for yourself now, how the heck can you take care of yourself AND your husband? It's a huge task, I tell you. I honestly have no idea how my mother managed to take care of the seven of her children and my dad. Especially me. o_o I feel like I'm the laziest of the bunch. Lol. But in a way, I managed to still clean things up. Ngeh. I still need to fix myself.
Umm. So. Yeah. Get yourself ready first before even thinking about getting married. Look at yourself and think, "Am I ready to share my life with another person and having to live every single day with that person with all the responsibilities in hand?" If no, then fix yourself. :3 Why am I typing so much. See how much a book influences me? Tukar topik, tukar topik.
So I have a lot of books to read. I have a driving license to get. I have a room to clean. I have a house to take care of. Most importantly, I have my faith to work on. I was lost, still am quite a bit lost but I think I found the light. I think someone is God sent. For some reason. I don't know. Why did Allah let him enter into my life? To change me? To make me better? That's what I feel. However, I hope that I'm not dragging that person to where I am now. I hope that in a way, I'm making him improve himself too. We're nothing but close(?) friends. He makes me happy and I hope that I make him happy.
Alhamdulillah is all that I can say. I got lost, I was found. Lost again and found. Two amazing men found me. I feel like they're God sent. First was David, honestly. Second is.... this dude. Yeah. Alhamdulillah. I know it's like I'm exaggerating but that's what I feel, what I think. I know they're not perfect but they made me realise how important religion is. I've lived until today because of Him. He gave me everything yet I was always forgetting. I hope I won't forget from this day on and until the future. In sha Allah.
I guess that is all for now. Pray that I'll be strong. (I miss someone, by the way and I hope when that someone reads this, he'll text me to say he read this. Heh. :v)