who am I?

I'm not sure what I've done to myself nor to the person I'm getting close to.

I hate this feeling. It comes every single time I'm stuck at home, not doing anything. It sucks a lot. I wish that I'm always busy. I wish that someone would actually push me into doing things and really make sure I get it done. It's just hard to do it on my own. I know Allah is there but hey, I wasn't like this few months ago. I'd always forget. I always do. It's the times like this when I actually think and say... oh. God is here. Don't worry. But where are all these thoughts when I'm happy? I just. I'm so disappointed in myself. I can't believe I'm becoming my old self. Really. I just wish that September could come faster. Please. I just want to distract myself from this. I don't want to disappoint my parents, my family, my friends, my..... sayang. No.

I'm so scared of everything. I'm so scared of changing. It's just SO HARD. I don't know. It's probably just this shitty laziness. Fml. Why am I doing this to myself. I'd regret now, tonight. Sooner or later.... ha ha ha. Back to my old self. It's just so annoying. So annoying. What am I, really? Who am I?

Who am I......?