help.

I DON'T WANT TO GO TO MATRICULATION.

Oh God. This is serious. I don't want to. I don't want to continue my studies. Not what you're expecting? Well, it's true. Just stop. PLEASE. I'm hurting. I honestly don't know what got into me. This weird laziness and procrastination. I'm not sure if that's what made me like this. I just don't want to. I'm going with it for the sake of life. I don't know, this is what people do, right? Finish high school then go to college then university then work and die. The norm. However I'm different. I have no idea why. I've been thinking about this since last year, even before SPM. I just think, I'd study, sit for SPM then get the results and done. WORK. But nooo, you have to continue your dang studies. WHY. WHYYYY. I'm just not that interested in doing so. Send me away, to PLKN. For two years. I don't mind it at all, really. No internet? Fine. Just send me there.

I'm sick and tired of thinking about all these. About life. This is probably my existential crisis (yeap I learnt this from Dan). Ok, this is from Wikipedia.

An existential crisis may result from:

~The sense of being alone and isolated in the world;

~A new-found grasp or appreciation of one's mortality;

~Believing that one's life has no purpose or external meaning;

~Searching for the meaning of life;

~Awareness of one's freedom and the consequences of accepting or rejecting that freedom;  

~An extremely pleasurable or hurtful experience that leaves one seeking meaning;

An existential crisis is often provoked by a significant event in the person's life — psychological trauma, marriage, separation, major loss, the death of a loved one, a life-threatening experience, a new love partner, psychoactive drug use, adult children leaving home, reaching a personally-significant age (turning 16, turning 40, etc.), etc.

Number one, three, four, five and six. Also, major loss, the death of a loved one. YEP. I know number three is just so wrong. Life DOES have a purpose actually. Do things to achieve awesomeness in the after-life. Yeah, I like to call it awesomeness. Though, here I am, still as blind as ever. See, this is one of the things that's been bothering me. I need to work on my faith. Pronto.