17:32
And do not approach unlawful sexual intercourse. Indeed, it is ever an immorality and is evil as a way.

Just a reminder to myself and those who are reading this. God knows what's happening, what you feel, what you think. He knows everything and everything no one would ever know but Him.

Take care of yourself, Zu.

you that I never knew

The way you talk.

The way you laugh.

The way you insert jokes.

The way you tell me stories.

The way you guide me.

Why? I keep asking myself. Why me? I don't deserve this. I don't think I ever do. I think that you deserve better. Why me? Why...........

Tonight's conversation was something I've never expected before. Ever. Thank you for telling me stories about Prophet Yusuf. It was truly interesting. In sha Allah that one day, I will actually recite and understand it myself.

It was...... something. I never thought that one day I would actually have someone tell me all these and bring me closer to God. I don't know how long are you going to be here, maybe for a moment, maybe forever. Wallahua'lam. But still. Alhamdulillah. Thank You and thank you. I am truly grateful.

Let me just enjoy this for now and we'll see what happens in the future. You've never seen the bad side of me yet so...... I hope that you're going to be ready for it. In sha Allah.

Thank you.

Fi hifzillah.

Assalamualaikum.

Thoughts of the Night

Assalamualaikum.

Been a long time since I last posted here, ey? Heheh. :) A lot of things have been going on. Well, second semester started in end of Nov until end of Dec. Continued early Jan until early April. So many things happened, some happy, some sad.

Well, first of all, my roommates are awesome. I have never been this close to others like this. They know me inside out. They know how crazy I can get and I know how crazy they can get. We understand each other. Although in the beginning, it was sort of awkward, we managed. Eating together, studying, sleeping, picking out outfits, dancing, laughing, crying, understanding each other. Oh, everything was great. I am truly grateful to have people like them in my life. I am extremely sorry for everything I did. I know I offended you guys a lot, I know I am not perfect. Nobody is. So, I'm sorry. I hope that we'll remain friends for as long as it can go. :)

Secondly is my awesome classmates. Group 2C. They're a bunch of crazy people. Although we have our own cliques, we still can bond with each other. We share food, dance, sing, sleep. We also think alike most of the time, if you know what I mean. ;) They're just a bunch of people that is hard to find. Who knew that we could be this close, going crazy all the time. We study, yes, but when it comes to having fun, we're number one. Hahah! Guess what's our class motto? It's [INSERT MOTTO HERE] - 10 MARKS.

Pretty funny and stupid, right? But we all agreed on it. Hahah! This is why I love them so so much. Extremely grateful to have them as my classmates. They're the ones who care, they really do. If you don't go to class, they'd ask why. When you're going to present in front of the whole class, they'd cheer you on. But if you come late to class, they'd look..... and just stare. haha! Emm, yeah. Class's whatsapp group gets crazy too. One time, we were supposed to memorize a surah but that night, everyone sent voice notes, karaoke-ing. Haha! I love them.

Moving on, about my personal life. Well, I am single. Haha! I was taken but not anymore. However, I still remain Allah's. Erm. I got to know this one person through one of my friends. Well, he's alright. No. He's more than that. He's smart, religious, kind, hardworking, funny and all the other things. I don't know. I'm far way below his level. He reminds me a lot about religion and I am grateful for that. But he doesn't know the real me, yet. I am so afraid. What if he runs away? What if he gets disappointed? This thing has been scaring me for a long time. If he really does like me, I hope that he'll accept me the way I am. Please. In sha Allah he will.

Okay, so about my studies. I think my marks are quite alright....? Satisfied with it but I want more. heheh. But what's done is done. At this point, the only thing I can do is pray for the best and study for my finals. Finals is next week. I am so excited and nervous. I can't wait to get back but at the same time, I'm sad. I don't want to leave Shah Alam. I don't want to leave Kolej Mawar. I don't want to leave my friends. I don't want to leave UiTM Shah Alam. I don't want to leave INTEC. I love this place. But I know that I need to get back. I need to return to my family. I need to meet my family. I miss them and I think they miss me too. haha. Home is where the heart is... and wifi.

I should probably be sleeping, it's almost 2am. I have a counselling session tomorrow, badminton and need to do my laundry. I hope I can get all of this done in a day. :) Oh! Played basketball and badminton just now with Ereen, Amir, Afiq, Nurul, Shafiq, Is, Hafiz, Naqib, Achok, Auni and Zul. It was a lot of fun! I sweat a lot. That was one of the best nights ever.

What else should I write about? I am not sure. I hope I will be able to get 3.5 and above this semester. In sha Allah. I did my best, but I know I can do better. Let's hope that I will be able to do it right for my finals. Please, Ya Allah, I beg to You. Guide me through this. This determines my future. I want to make my parents proud. I'm not just some girl who loves to go online. I will try to fulfill your wishes, to see me be successful. I know, that moment when you sent me here. You carried my bags, you helped me prepare to get into university. In your mind, hoping that I will gain knowledge and be successful, simply making you proud. I will try my best. Thank you for everything. Thank you for all the things you did. Raising me, discipline me, giving me money, giving me your love, accepting me, accepting my obsessions, guiding me, advising me, praying for me. Thank you. I will never know how to repay you but only through prayers and being successful in the world and the Hereafter. Pa, Ma, thank you for everything. Sorry I'm such a spoilt brat. Sorry I'm such a lazy bum. Sorry I get hot tempered all the time. Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry. Sorry I don't show my love, sorry I don't call. I am afraid to call. I know I will cry. In fact, I am tearing up right now. Hahah. Thank you Pa, Ma, for everything. I love you.

I guess this should wrap up my post for tonight? Getting emotional. I shall now go and watch something to make me happy again. I like to run away, in case you didn't notice yet.

Wish me luck in everything. Jaga iman, jaga solat, jaga aurat, jaga makan, jaga tidur, jaga pergaulan, jaga perkataan, jaga diri.

xoxo,

Assalamualaikum,

Zue.

juniors

Okay so I've been on Twitter a lot and replying some of my juniors and... I just. The fact that they acknowledge me and they actually know me. Like, they ask where am I studying, what am I taking, am I coming back to KK. It makes me feel so appreciated. I truly do. I just didn't expect for these cute juniors actually knowing me. HAHA. Idk. :')

thoughts

I've been wanting to post here but I have no idea about what.

Let's see. Some things have been quite complicated for me. Things I can't avoid. Things that I know will happen sooner or later, also in the future. Sometimes I feel like some things aren't that worth of my attention but it is always there. Not leaving my mind, even for a second. I've been trying to keep my head up and brace this thing. It really is quite hard for me and also the people affected, but we try our best to sort things out. Maybe it's just the distance, so I know that when we meet again, everything will be alright. It was just a matter of time and space.

Anyway, I just hope that things will get better in time. I know it will. Nothing is needed but love, trust and attention. Although I must say that sometimes, each of us need our own space to think. I know there's a reason why we've been put together all these while. It's a message sent from above. I have no idea what is the real meaning of all of this but I know it can develop me into a better person. Not just me, also the ones involved.

I guess. That is all? I hope things will clear up soon. I honestly have never felt this way before and when I do, I'm totally clueless about it. In sha Allah things will work out.

x.